I am under a lot of stress at the moment. First, I am starting to really hate the United States and to never want to return. The country and its ignorance and self-centeredness and guns really scares me.
But on the other hand, I am filled with a desire to go home right now.
That comes more from the Denis thing, which is half confusion and half guilt and a part frustration at not being able to defend myself and not even trying to do so. Things have changed and we can't go back to how it was before. Denis and I can - we're resilient and have done it before - but I don't want Francoise to think she can't trust me. I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I think of any of this before Wednesday night? I am pathetically naive on one hand and selfish on the other.
I want my mommy.